Roger, Francine, and Stan Chronicles Episode 1
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Roger gives Stan a strange new makeover, and then saves his life with help from Francine.


It was just your average evening at the Smith home. Stan and Francine wanted alone time, but Roger was interfering.

"Roger, stop snuggling up to my wife" yelled Stan.

"But she's so soft and warm and cuddly!" replied Roger.

"Roger, GET OUT!" yelled Stan.

"Jeez, Stan, put yourself in my shoes. Do you have any idea how hard it was taking the place of Carly Fiorina at the last Republican debate and trying to get people to notice the difference?" said Roger. Stan's eyes widened.

"Oh my god, the next republican debate, Roger, for once I'll thank you. You reminded me!" yelled Stan rushing downstairs. Roger laughed.

"Stan, don't leave me alone with this...this..- Francine was struggling for words. Roger interjected.

"Tasty morcel? You were about to call me a tasty morcel weren't you baby?" asked Roger.

"No, Roger. No, I wasn't" said Francine.

"Oh. Well then, I guess I'll go watch the supervillain poetry slam with Stan" said Roger, rushing downstairs. He accidentally dropped a bag behind him, leaving it with Francine.

Francine smirked, and picked up the bag.

"Oooh, yeah. Just you and me, apple jacks. Just you and me"

Later...Roger's watching the debate...

"Woah, okay, woah, Carly Fiorina is really...really...hot...in an awkward wicked witch kind of way!" said Roger.

"Haha, yeah, she is isn't she?" said Stan.

"Can I eat myself and then regurgitate myself?" asked Roger.

"Sure Roger," said Stan. Roger started with his arm and then moved his way to the rest of his body, devouring himself entirely, then spitting himself out in front of the TV.

"Roger, I know Fiorina is exactly the same species as you, but that's just a TV set" said Stan. The TV fell off the table.

"Fair point," said Roger, brushing off his non existant pants and blowing a chocolate bar wrapper off of his backside.

"That would have made a nice cape, dude" said Stan.

"Yet again, fair point" replied Roger.

"Oh no, no, no Bowser let Dennis Hopper and the Ice Queen talk, let them talk!" yelled Stan.

"You know, Stan, I just wonder when Jeb and Trump gonna release all that built up tension for each other? I really think they need to" said Roger.

"You are definately from another planet, Roger. Definately" said Stan.

"Well, I could win an election on my planet easily" replied Roger.

"Then go make Jupiter great again, I'm trying to hear this" said Stan.

"DRINK STAN, DRINK!" said Roger, handing Stan a strange can of soda with foamy bubbles popping out.

"Strange foamy substance? Hmm, maybe I should try it" said Stan.

"YES, DRINK IT!" yelled Stan. Stan drank the foamy substance. He fell to the floor with a plop.

"Now, time for the transformation," said Roger, getting out a whole bunch of equipment and hair supplies.

The next day...

"Good morning everybody," said Roger, dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood, tossing flower petals on the floor.

"You seem awful happy this morning, Roger. And by that I mostly only mean awful" said Francine.

"Wow, you really hate me don't you? Look, Franny, you're gonna totally love your husbands new look" said Roger. Francine saw Stan and ran upstairs screaming.

"Weird, people love that hair on my planet. It's edible too. Tastes like cotton candy and makes you invincible, like Batman" said Roger, taking a clump of Stan's new Trump hair and eating some of it.

"You're a nice guy, Roger, but I wish you were dead" said Stan.

"Woah, you sound like him too, okay this is too fucking sucking awesome" said Roger, dragging Stan upstairs.

"Oh...oh..that's just...his hair" said Francine.

"Yeah, Franny, and it's edible too" replied Roger.

"I thought it was some kind of strange alien creature bent on taking over the planet" said Francine.

"Oh, it totally is. But as a wise woman once said, it's a good thing" replied Roger. Francine began running her fingers through Stan's strange bizzare hair.

"Francine, you are gonna be the best looking first lady ever" said Stan.

"Stan, Stan, it's okay, you're not running for president" replied Francine.

"Francine, you're a nice guy, but you're full of shit" said Stan.

"Um, I'm not a guy. And I'm a very...very...mean girl" said Francine.

"I have great relations with mean girls, no one is better to them than me, they're nice guys but they're mean girls" replied Stan.

"Okay, Stan. Well, your hair is...really tasty" said Francine.

"Don't cramp his style, Frannie that guy's gonna run as a third party and win. I'm gonna be his VP" said Roger.

"Oh no you won't" said Francine, gobbling up Stan's hair uncontrollably until it was all gone.

"Well there goes the new host body. Oh well, so that didn't work" said Roger.

"Where am I?" asked Stan.

"It's ok Stan. Roger tried to turn you into Donald Trump" said Francine.

"Francine, do you think Carly Fiorina is hot?" asked Stan. Francine sighed.

"Yes, Stan. Yes, I do" said Francine hesitantly.

With dejected eyes, Roger decided to annoy Haylee. Yet again.

"So, Haylee, enjoyed any of Jeff's Peanut Butter lately?" asked Roger. There was no response.

"Hey, Haylee, it's a very...very good thing you didn't see what your daddy looked like this morning" said Roger. But Haylee just ignored Roger.

"Oh my god, oh my god, I have got to go help Stan again. I just feel like...he needs me!" said Roger.

Roger raced upstairs and Stan was yelping in pain...on the toilet.

"I need prune juice!" said Stan.

"Want me to get it for you?" asked Roger.

"No, I want Francine to get it for me" replied Stan.

"I think I should give you the prune juice" said Roger.

"NO! To hell with prune juice. This constipation is so bad it's killing me" said Stan.

"Nah, it won't kill ya. What you need Stan...is an enima" said Roger.

"No, Roger, please, no" said Stan. Francine rushed upstairs.

"What is going on here?" asked Francine.

"Stan won't let me give him an enima" said Roger.

"Roger, I'm the only one who's qualified to do such a thing" said Francine.

"Franny, I've had a lot of experience with things very similar, okay?" said Roger.

"Fine, we'll both do it. Stan, will you let us give you an enima?" asked Francine.

"NO!" yelled Stan.

"Poor guy just doesn't want help. I mean we all know what he needs. An enima, Frannie, an enima" said Roger.

"He's made the fucking enima his enemy" replied Francine.

"OKAY, I NEED IT!" yelled Stan.

"He wants us now, Roger" said Francine, kicking the bathroom door down with the enima in hand. After fighting with Roger nearly to the death, she gave up and let Roger do the process.

"It's like the torture scene in Casino Royale isn't it?" said Roger.

"Oh no, it's...it's all in my ass! It's all in!" yelled Stan.

"Yes, Stan. All in. All in...for Jeb!" said Roger, hoping that would help Stan psychologically.

"Oh. All in for Jeb. Yeah. Jeb. Hey, that actually feels kinda nice. Kinda...warm!" said Stan.

"I knew it would help, Staneul. I knew it would" said Roger.

Later in the day...

"You know guys, Roger was a lifesaver today. He deserves all of our thanks. I think we should all hug Roger" said Stan.

"I'm not really feeling like a hug. You have no idea how often I get raped by people" said Roger.

"Oh. Well, then what can we do to help you?" asked Stan.

"A mail order bride. Haha. No. That was a joke. What I want is a trip to the liquor store with Frannie" said Roger.

"Okay, Roger. If that's what you want" said Stan.

"I'll only go if you come with me and keep a sharp eye on him Stan" said Francine.

"WHAT? That takes the fun out of all of it. I'm gonna go propose to Miss Fiorina" said Roger.

The End


End file.
